Making the world a happier place

So I'm sure when you woke up this morning, as you rolled out of bed, or climbed down from your bunk, or hoisted your hungover form out of the puddle on your bathroom floor, the first thought that popped into your head was the same thought that's been dominating your conciousness since the day Al Gore invented the Internet. You've dreamed about it. You've prayed for it. You've asked the glowing Indian statue for it every time you've tossed a penny into the fountain at Foxwoods. It's an uncontrollable desire that manifests itself at the most inconvenient times. It's kept you awake at night. It made you forget a movie at your girlfriend's house. It caused you to slip and fall while dancing on the bar. It made you forget that pink is not a very manly color. It even made you try to put out a grease fire with a glass of water. It's caused never ending pain and frustration to even the most well-adjusted individuals, and yet it can be boiled down to one single, agonizingly simple sentence.

"Sweet Jesus, I wish Scott Colby would start a blog."

Well it's time to jump in the car and haul ass to Connecticut, because you owe that glowing Indian a great big hug! Scott Colby has heard your subconscious screams for help, and he's come running to your rescue! The Internet as you know it is about transcend time and space to become something so wonderful, so immaculately radiant, that the planets will align, war and hunger will cease to exist, and people will live in absolute harmony for the rest of time, similar to the effect created by Wild Stallions music. Either that, or this little endeavour will descend to the level of a flaming car wreck that you just can't tear your gaze from, no matter how hard you try. Whatever happens, at least it will give you something to read at work, and hopefully you will learn a few things about proper comma usage along the way. Proper punctuation is a beautiful thing.

Plywood the windows, hide your donuts, and lock up your daughters (especially if they have yachts and/or trust funds), because a monster of Godzilla-esque proportions is about to be unleashed.

P.S. - Blogs are for losers.