Hugo Chavez

I think I kind of like this guy, if only because he consistently makes our own politicians look like absolute assholes.

Take, for example, the fact that Venezuela was the first foreign country to offer aid to those who suffered through Hurrican Katrina. President Monkey Face essentially told him "We don't need your help," although something tells me that if this guy had shown up in New Orleans with a few boatloads of food and water, none of the people there would've objected. Just a feeling.

He's also providing low price heating oil to several Northeastern states and (reportedly) remote Alaskan towns. Meanwhile, President Monkey Face is giving his rich buddies tax cuts and going on vacation.

Since Chavez became president, Venezuela's GDP and literacy rates are up, inflation and infant mortality are down. Meanwhile, our National Debt is soaring, and the Republicans seem to prefer a society that can't read.

In a recent speech in front of the UN, Chavez quoted a book by noted linguist and political writer Noam Chomsky. The last piece of literature President Monkey Face quoted was the drive up menu at Wendy's.

In that same speech, Chavez called W "the devil" and mentioned that the podium still smelled like sulfur from Monkey Face's speech there the day before. He then made the sign of the cross to protect himself. Despite the rousing round of applause Chavez received at the conclusion of his speech, American politicians and news outlets, even those critical of W's policies, condemned his remarks as having gone too far. Personally, I don't think he went far enough. He should've had a priest sprinkle holy water on the podium, then delivered his speech while wearing a string of garlic around his neck and handling a thick collection of rosary beads.

Hugo's also got his own weekly television show. Can you imagine the comedy and drinking games that would ensue if President Monkey Face had his own show? "He said terror again...that's another shot!" The alcohol industry would be forever grateful, as would the black market liver unions.

Of course, this guy's not perfect. He's clamped down a bit oh the Venezuelan media, and he's been absolutely ruthless when it comes to defeating his opposition. It's also rumored that he may go against the constitution he helped create and seek a third term as president.

Unfortunately, this guy's going to get himself shot, which is a damn shame. The world needs more leaders who are more than just talking heads, who aren't afraid to tell it like it is and let it ride. He came into office saying he'd help the little people, and although some of his programs have failed, he's at least tried. Meanwhile, Washington's arguing about gay marriage, abortion, violence in video games, evolution, and a shit storm of things that no other government on the planet would spend this much time dealing with at the expense of those who genuinely could use a little help from those in power.

Now, before you call me a commy pinko liberal traitor, let's look at the facts. Venezuela is a better place than it was before Chavez took power. Can you honestly say that about the United States and George W? And looking ahead, do you really think we'll be able to say that about any of the politicians who could potentially become President in our next election? I thought not.

I apologize for the political interruption, and I promise that the next update will return to this blog's typical low brow humor.