There's a Bigfuckinhole in the Parking Lot

It looks like fun. I got out my little pink plastic shovel and asked the fat man in the hard hat if I could help dig. He passed wind in my general direction and told me to get my little pansy ass back to Mass Art.

Heart broken, I returned to my dorm room and cried myself to sleep on my SpongeBob bedsheet. I did not go to class the next morning. I hear I missed a riveting lecture in Science Fiction class on why dogs like to roll in smelly shit. Instead I grabbed the telescope I usually use to spy on semi-hot (ok, maybe a step or two above ugly) girls in Baker Hall and aimed it at the bigfuckinhole. Even from that distance, it still looked like fun. I thought I could hear my little pink plastic shovel crying.

I thought to myself, "What would Chuck Norris do?"

But drop kicking the backhoe seemed like a bad idea. So I thought, "What would Scott Colby do?"

And that was the answer. I travelled the depths of 610 to the lair of the buffalo women, where I traded a keg of Twinkie filling for two dozen free passes to the Foggy Goggle. I then distributed those passes to the construction workers. I win.

This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever written. But for half a second there, it kept me entertained.