Urgent Breaking News Flash!!!!!!!!

Sox honor favorite Yankee with renaming of recent real estate purchase

Boston, MA – In an historic move of good faith, the Boston Red Sox have offered an olive branch of brotherhood to their hated rivals, the New York Yankees, in the form of a popular local hot spot.

In last week's blockbuster mega deal, the team acquired the Fenway area property home to the Ramrod, a favorite destination of men wearing assless chaps. It has been speculated that the ownership group led by John Henry would knock down the building and build a hot dog stand in its place, but today's press conference with chief Henry bootlicker Larry Lucchino revealed a different set of plans.

"The Boston Red Sox have no plans to close the Ramrod," Lucchino announced. "Instead, we're going to use it as a peace offering to end the hostility between Red Sox Nation and the Evil Empire."

The club will be renamed the A-Rod, in honor of everybody's favorite ball slapping Yankees third baseman. "We couldn't think of a single symbol to better represent one of the Bronx Bombers than this particular venue," Lucchino explained. "It was Theo's idea, and Henry and I just loved it."

The Sox GM could be seen snickering in the corner of the press room during Lucchino's announcement, but he declined all requests for interviews.

Reaction amongst the locals, known to be opinionated assholes, has been mixed.

"A-Rod sucks!" exclaimed Ben Affleck, whom many might remember as an out-of-work actor turned professional bandwagon jumper who latched on to the team just in time for their World Series run, similar to how he latched on to Jennifers Lopez and Garner at the beginning of their mainstream popularity.

However, a survey of men shopping in Banana Republic found that the majority of that demographic approves. 85% of those polled favored the name change, many citing the need to further modify and trendify the club while also removing the stigma that could only befall a place named Ramrod.

It remains to be seen how the Bombers will react to this peace offering. A-Rod himself could not be reached for comment, but Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter answered his teammate's phone.

"Jethuth Chritht," Mr. Jeter exclaimed before hanging up.

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This has been an urgent breaking news flash. You may now remove the tinfoil helmet you thought would keep me from stealing your thoughts.