While we're on the subject of teeth...

You know how sometimes there's toothpaste stuck to the sink? Not the used stuff...the blue and green, unused globs that were denied their plaque attacking destiny. Scott Colby does not understand how toothpaste gets stuck to the sink in that form. The physics of it is baffling.

Squeezing toothpaste from a tube onto a toothbrush generally is not considered a difficult task. In fact, most cultures would describe it as something any moron, regardless of physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual ineptitude, should be able to do. One does not need to perform complicated mathematics or sacrifice a goat to the Best Toaster Ever to properly dispense toothpaste. A gentle squeeze, and the toothpaste slowly eases out, giving the user plenty of time to correctly align the toothbrush.

And yet people miss, as evidenced by the neon blue globs that occasionally appear on Scott Colby's sink. Scott Colby does not understand this, as the individuals he lives with have thus far managed to pass Scott Colby's Official Test to See If You Are Retarded or Just Dumb, though the test is known to return an occasional false negative, especially when such a large quantity of pink shirts is involved. So how is this happening? Does someone have a Nitrous powered toothpaste dispenser? Does someone lack depth perception? Are those globs being saved for later easy access by an individual who doesn't desire to operate a tube every day?

Doesn't Scott Colby have anything better to write about? Apparently not. However, to make up for this crime against the spirit of the Interweb, Scott Colby promises that somewhere in the next several days there will be a special update by a celebrity guest. With any luck, it won't suck.

Scott Colby also apologizes to all the bulleted list fans who were hoping for The Beautiful Format to appear in this update. Fear not, the bulleted list will reappear soon, as it is a real assload easier to work with than this prose stuff. The original writings of William Shakespeare, you might recall, were all originally composed in bulleted list form, which is why it's so difficult to read Hamlet when it's translated to modern language, which is why the literature people made up the word iambic pentameter.