Semi-coherent ramblings that took about three hours to write

I hear bulleted lists are good for a hang over, so here we go:

• If there exists a square mile slimier than Government Center on a Saturday night, I need to take a vacation there. If earth is devoid of such an Eden, I'll create my own - except with more sausage carts, all manned by good looking girls dressed as Medieval wenches. Being able to stand on the corner and yell "Sausage Wench, bring me a bratwurst!" in your most regal voice seems like the kind of thing the tourists would love.
  
• New York is coming to Flavor of Love tonight, so get your TiVo set. This has the potential to be the single greatest hour in the history of television...or at least the history of VH1. Official over/under on the number of girls who spit on her: 4. Odds are 3/1 that Like Dat will crush New York's head between her thighs, 5/1 that New York will bitch slap the fake ghetto out of Buckwild, and 9/1 that KFC will be prominently involved in either episode.
  
• As many of you know, Scott Colby has implemented a two month rule to streamline his relations with the opposite sex. Any girl that isn't in possession of a yacht can only date him for two months. Today I bring you the first modification to the Two Month Rule - which I suppose makes it the First Amendment. Any girl with a genuine Irish brogue gets an extra two weeks.