Am I disappointed? Not particularly. There's a damn good reason those three cities beat us: the people in Wisconsin and Columbus are so ugly that it takes a six pack and a half to make anyone who lives there look even remotely attractive.
"But Scott Colby!" you protest, as if you've actually got something worthwhile to say. "Following that logic, doesn't that mean that Boston is home to the fourth ugliest female population in the nation?"
Hell no! We don't drink because our women are ugly. We have more complicated reasons for our alcoholism:
- Like the latest stinker from those fucking Red Sox.
- Or in celebration of the Patriots' latest victory.
- Because it's a Wednesday afternoon.
- Because the people passing by on the street filled my cup with change.
- Because it's nice out and you have a porch.
- Because in the process of sitting next to you on the T, some fat bitch more or less sat on top of you. And when you scooched away from her into the inch of free space between you and the wall, her ass expanded to follow you.
- Because the Best Toaster Ever said it was a good idea.
- Because you're searching for something, anything, to erase the memory of all those horrible bulleted lists.
1 comment:
ha. I like this entry. Man...i miss boston
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