A new season of VH1 Celebreality

It's Scott Colby's favorite time of year! You knew this was going to get him blogging again, didn't you?

• When did "Celebrity Fit Club" become "Celebrity Kind of Chubby Club?" This year's cast could stand to lose a few pounds...but put all of them together, and they weigh half as much as the Biz or Steven Tyler's not famous other daughter's left leg.
• I turned on "Flavor of Love: Charm School," and there was Mo'Nique. I turned the channel because I thought I'd accidentally tuned in to "Celebrity Fit Club."
• Katie Couric would've been a better host than Mo'Nique.
  
• When the girls are expelled, they don't go home. Mo'Nique eats them. Think of the ratings next year on Fit Club when that crazy drill instructor makes Mo'Nique do seven push ups and she sweats out Buckwild.
• I'm moderately concerned about the number of small animals that have died in Hottie's weave. I suspect she's got half a pet cemetary up there. That wierd bump on the left side of her head could quite possibly be Elian Gonzalez.
  
• And by the way, her hiding of Krazy's dresses in the kitchen cabinets was absolute genius. Best reality TV moment since Boston Rob proposed to Amber.
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck would've been a better host than Mo'Nique.
  
• These women absolutely hate each other, and it's the best part of the show. And they're doing it all for a mere $50,000. This is a milestone in modern television. I guarantee we'll see at least three shootings, four stabbings, and two girls being choked to death by Hottie's weave. It's possible we could see all three of these things happen at the same time.
• Commercial break. Is it bad that I was extremely amused by the site of nine people piling into a station wagon in front of Boca Grande last night?
• "She's a whack ass bitch who has a whack ass weave and I don't like her whack ass ass." Profound.
  
• Everytime anyone has anything bad to say about Hottie, they mention her weave. I'm glad Nick finally explained to me what a weave is, or I'd be extremely lost.
• That answers a question that's been bothering me for a long, long time: skid-marked underwear is indeed blurred out when it appears on cable television.
• Flashback to the "I Love New York" reunion. At first, I was extremely skeptical of Pumkin and Mr. Boston being together - but now I'm convinced it was meant to be. I can't wait for VH1 to air the wedding ceremony live from the Foggy Goggle.
  
• How is it that the only girl to get kicked off Flavor of Love before the naming ceremony seems to be the one with the clearest head on her shoulders? I'm hoping it's only a matter of time until Saaphyri breaks a chair over someone's face, takes a bite off of Mo'Nique's nose, and chucks a bus through the front of the house with one hand.
  
• You know, I'm intrigued by the fact that the "head mistress" of this charm school, Mo'Nique, probably wouldn't be able to win this competition. If you notice, they only bring her in after one of the girls has made an absolute ass of herself. They never make her do anything difficult, and during eliminations, she just does her best impersonation of Tyra Banks in "America's Next Top Model." Although, maybe that is Tyra...I heard she was gaining weight.
• By the way, Tyra would've been a better host than Mo'Nique.
• So would Vince McMahon.
• And Wayne Brady must've been available.
• Or at least Sharon Osborne.
• Holy shit, I'm two years older than Bootz! She's done two shows, and I haven't done any. Time to get my reality TV career in order.
• And Krazy's going home. Hottie and her weave triumph again (shit, that's where she should've hidden the dresses).