Science Fair!

I was entirely way too amused by the project suggestions in this article:

http://www.tccsa.tc/fair/fair_ideas.html

Note that these are for a "Creation Science" Fair. As such, "Why did God do it this way?" is a popular back end of all the two part questions - to which I would consistently answer "because he fucking felt like it."

A few of these topics merit further examination.

3. Make a computer model of the Flood currents.

This is the one I would take because it's the easiest. Steal a map of the world from Google, pop it into Photoshop, hit the "Waves" filter, and spend the rest of the afternoon playing XBox while all the good little kids are writing five page essays attempting to explain why God "did it this way."

4. Statistical occurrence of giants, and midgets and dwarfs and giantism. Use Princess Flo, Goliath, and brothers.

A perfect topic for wrestling fans.

8. How much voltage or current can a human take before he is killed? Could do experiments on a plant.

This one sounds like fun, though I'm not sure why students would need a plant when they most likely have a younger sibling or a pet of some sort.

10. What was life like before the Flood?

Dry.

22. Could a person function without thumbs? or What would it be like to not have thumbs?

Another good one for a younger sibling.

30. Why does the ocean appear blue but when it is in a bucket it is clear?

Buckets are the devil. If you play Ozzy Osbourne's "Mama I'm Comin' Home" backward, Ozzy will tell you as much.

40. Does sea currents affect climate?

Yes, it do.

46. Where are teeth stored?

In your ass. Good luck brushing.

48. Is there a way for humans to get to Jupiter? Mars? etc.

Only with a really large trampoline.

55. Why do only mammals have hair?

Because a shaggy fish would look pretty damn stupid.

58. Why did God create the moon to control the tides?

Because a great big switch lacks style.

72. What is God made of?

If we're lucky, Guinness. Although if the universe has any sense of irony, God is made of the exact same stuff as Richard Simmons.

83. Why do people believe in Evolution?

School! You off galivantin' with yo fancy foozball friends at school! School is the devil!

84. What events caused them to become evolutionists?

A lack of good quality wine at Sunday service.

101.If there were aliens, why would they visit humans?

They're just looking for someone with which to watch Charm School.

102.Why do we have pimples? Did God goof?

No. Rampant acne is God's way of putting a giant "LOSER" sign on someone so that LARPers and anime nerds can't blend in with the rest of us.