More bad things to give trick-or-treaters

Due to popular demand, I Stole Your Lunch's annual guide to Halloween is back 364 days early! Internet celebrities like Scott Colby can set their own schedules.

So here are more things you should not, under any circumstances, give to anyone who knocks on your door Halloween night:

• Suppositories.
• A swift kick in the ass.
• Your garage door opener and a schedule of times you will not be home.
  
• Grandma's walker.
• Sparkle toothpaste.
• A bulleted list.
• The Little Scientist's First Meth Lab Kit.
• A photoshopped image of the trick-or-treater's mom cavorting half naked through the living room while Benny the mail man sits and watches from the recliner with a smarmy smile on his face and a cigar in his hand.
• Samples of bodily fluids.
• Ibuproferen.
• A three-pack of sponges.
• Fitness Made Simple featuring John Basedow.
• A free paternity test courtesy of the Maury Povich show.
• USB nose hair clippers (firewire is better).
• Tickets to Neverland Ranch.
• An Apple Lisa.
• One crouton.
• Shards of your shattered hopes and dreams.

There. It's done. And hopefully it will not happen again until next year. Or at least November, when the list of bad things to put in the Thanksgiving stuffing is born.