The First Annual State of Your Lunch Address

There are dates and events all throughout our history that resonate deeply within our very humanity, triumphs that unite us all in spirit despite our physical and ideological differences. One such event happened on this very day just a single year ago.

On that fateful day, Scott Colby rolled out of bed half hung over. He stumbled into the kitchen, cursed his lack of donuts, and made himself a pair of waffles on the Foreman. He then realized he was bored, so he logged onto the Interweb and created the cultural phenomenon known as I Stole Your Lunch.

To commemorate ISYL's first year on the planet, Scott Colby has devised his dumbest idea yet, an idea sure to win him several accolades at the annual Internet Stupidity Conference and possibly get him on VH1's Web Junk 20. Plus, it will make Kelly Clarkson love him that much more.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Circus Freaks and Golddiggers, Scott Colby is proud to present the First Annual State of Your Lunch Address! You may wonder why it is presented in bulleted list format. Think back to every State of the Union Address you've ever watched - don't they all seem as if they were composed in bulleted list format? The president makes a stupid point, waits for everyone to clap, then moves on to his next stupid point without even attempting anything resembling order or flow. So in between each point, clap for a few seconds, so you experience the genuine awesomeness of this address in its entirety.

Hold on to your butts:

• Thanks to I Stole Your Lunch, attendance at the Foggy Goggle is at an all time low.
• Scott Colby's painting depicting the T happily chugging down the tracks has recently been purchased by the Louvre.
• A note to Flava Flav: Flav, you and Scott Colby have not always seen eye-to-eye on things (*cough* Brigitte *cough*), but he very much wants to see you walk out with the correct woman on Flavor of Love. Despite the show's high entertainment value, he suggests that you immediately send home all of them except Hoops. The rest are all crazy, and all they want is your money. Plus they're funny looking. If, however, you choose someone other than Hoops, you and Scott Colby will officially be fighting.
• I Stole Your Lunch would like to welcome Josh Moody to the Interweb! Check out his site at http://shmoody.com (warning: not safe for work, church, the library, class, the living room, or anywhere other than a 5x5 padded cell. In fact, you might want to avoid this site at all costs unless you are already a convicted felon. Scott Colby means that from the very bottom of his heart). Just another reason to be horribly, terribly afraid of the Interweb. There's a reason People magazine named Josh Moody their 2006 "Man Most Likely to Become the Next Unabomber."
  
• Just in case Scott Colby offends some extremists, all officially licensed I Stole Your Lunch merchandise will be made of 100% asbestos.
• Scott Colby would like to thank all those who've inspired him to such hitherto undefined heights of idiocy: Kelly Clarkson, the Best Toaster Ever, A-Rod, the denizens of the Foggy Goggle, the T, the cracked out people who ride the T, the cab driver who told Scott Colby never to get married, people who think wine and cheese parties are classy even when they are held in Slummerville, Fitness Celebrity John Basedow, douche bag landlords, and every manufacturer of alcholic beverages on the planet.
• He would also like to thank his legions of loyal Lunchkins for admitting that they occasionally find his site to be slightly better than bad, in no particular order: Raul, Steve Rossi, Mr. Peterson, 10-esha, Bleidiggity, Mr. Pickle, J-Rags, J$, that bot that keeps spamming the comments with a link to a fake blog, and Anonymous. Remember: next time you read an update about Scott Colby riding the T with John Basedow to the Foggy Goggle, it's all your fault. If you hadn't encouraged him, he would've given up and switched to MySpace a long time ago.

Now, go forth and celebrate I Stole Your Lunch Day, and be creative. Post comments about your celebrations to inspire others. It is a joyous occasion indeed!