And so I turn to an old standby, Survivor, a show I once watched religiously and then completely forgot about. This year's All-Star Heroes vs. Villains has sunk its insidious claws right into yours truly like the stench of a Somerville skank into the skin of an unsuspecting Tufts frat boy. Except without the rash.
And now an analysis of the remaining players, in reverse order of their chance at winning the final vote:
Sandra (Villains) - Gone the next time the Villains go to Tribal Council. She's stood up to Russell far too often; she's done.
Courtney (Villains) - With Sandra, all that's left of Boston Rob's once strong looking alliance. To look at her you'd think she'd been on that island for for seven years rather than seven episodes; that girl needs a hamburger. Not a threat unless she and Sandra join with the Heroes following the merge. Which won't happen because, with Rob's departure, everybody on that island not named Russell is a moron.
Coach (Villains) - The Dragon Slayer isn't a threat to leave anytime soon...but if he makes it to the end, who in their right mind would vote for him over...well, anyone? Last week's vote for Courtney in the face of the majority puts him on the bottom rung of Russell's alliance.
Jerri (Villains) - Same boat as Coach. I have high hopes that their little puppy love will turn into a reality show of its own.
Amanda (Heroes) - With the Heroes on a newfound get-rid-of-the-weakest kick, she's next on their list despite her in-depth knowledge of banana etiquette.
Rupert (Heroes) - The best beard on TV this side of Mick Foley is just too damn nice of a guy. His broken toe might also bump him below Amanda in the Heroes' pecking order.
Danielle (Villains) - Not even remotely memorable. I had to look up her name. Equipped with her own flotation devices that may come in useful during water challenges.
Parvati (Villains) - She'll stick around, but she doesn't stand a chance at the final vote.
Colby (Heroes) - Around mostly due to luck, he redeemed himself with a strong performance last week. Big athletic advantage over the other men could see him win individual immunity the rest of the way after the merge unless Jerri cuts off his manhood.
Candice (Heroes) - The most athletic of the remaining women should be able to walk all over the other girls if she can learn when to keep her mouth shut.
J.T. (Heroes) - He'll have a giant target on his back at the merge, but if his team plays immunity smart he's the one that will win the final vote. Big athletic advantage over Russell and Coach and a lot more devious than he gets credit for.
Russell (Villains) - I didn't think the little troll had it in him, but he's got to be the odds on favorite to win the whole thing. No one is smart enough to out-maneuver him; the only thing that might kill him would be pissing off the jury. If he's careful, the victory is his to lose.
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