"Run as Administrator" Can Kiss My Ass

For those of you who haven't upgraded, Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 have introduced a new feature straight from the lowest circle of hell: "Run as Administrator." Most people won't even realize it's there until they try to do something that should be easy, fail miserably at it, and spend two hours Googling how to do it. Then they follow instructions that fall along the lines of "right click on the whatever and click Run as Administrator," and resolve to make their next computer a Mac. I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR, BITCH! What is the point of obfuscating functionality from me? Security through rickoculousness is not true security.

I shit you not: in order to read a firewall log file today, I first had to right click Notepad and choose "Run as Administrator." I've heard some stupid things in my day, but "right click Notepad and choose Run as Administrator" is right up there with "I just sold my hand gun to Gilbert Arenas." I couldn't even take my daily one o'clock dump until I right-clicked and chose "Shit Like You Mean It."

Microsoft, let's go. There are so many more useful things you could replace "Run as Administrator" with. Here, let me suggest a few:

• "Run as Dumbass." This one changes all the text and menus to idiotspeak so you can understand what your stupid coworker/relative/client means when he says to you "OMG the button in my Adobe doesn't work!!!!!"
• "Run as Marketing Shithead." Have you read a product brochure lately? They spend 18 damn pages telling you how much they're going to increase your productivity and 1 page vaguely mentioning the program's features. This replaces a program's menus with direct mappings to those half-assed definitions.
• "Run as OS X." This takes all the menu items that are buried 19 pages deep and puts them on the top level where they belong. May also cause spontaneous instances of black turtlenecks.
• "Run as Guy Who Overpaid for Training that Should Be in the Manual." Self explanatory. If you need to sell three day seminars to teach people how to use your product, you need to take your UI designer out behind the shed and shoot him in the back of the head.
• "Walk Like an Egyptian." Why not? Maybe "Run as Marketing Shithead" will tell you what this really does.

Yes I'm angry and bitter. I went to a new bar tonight, Meadhall, expecting awesome and all I got was crap. The food was ridiculously overpriced, the atmosphere sucked, the crowd made me feel like I should've worn boat shoes and a Lacoste polo, and never in my life have I seen a beer list that long with so many beers I couldn't give two craps about. I give up.