United States History 101: Official Course Syllabus
Professor Sarah Palin
Gosh golly gee! Welcome to United States History 101! We're going to have sooooooo much fun learning all about the best country on earth, dontchyaknow! :)
- Week 1: Birth of a Nation. Focus on Paul Revear's midmorning ride, during which he warned the British not to take our guns.
- Week 2: George Washington. That's the guy on the dollar bill! He chopped down a cherry tree even though the crazy conservationists told him not too because he'd make a whole in the autozone layer which is just make believe anyway. That makes him a true American!
- Week 3: Martha Washington. The original mama grizzly!
- Week 4: The Real Reason Behind the Civil War. Discussion revolves around the south's decision to secede because Abraham Lincoln couldn't produce his birth certificate. Then the Confederacy tried to take our guns.
- Week 5: ALASKA. Our greatest trophy of the Cold War! Those eskimos didn't know what hit 'em!
- Week 6: How Teddy Roosevelt's New Deal Caused the Great Depression. Everybody was very sad in the 20's because he tried to take our guns. And this is before the miracle of Prozac! I can't even imagine.
- Week 7: Roe v. Wade. New evidence proves that the judge was possessed by Satan. With special guest lecturer BRISTOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Week 8: Korea. During this war, a prison camp spent five years being tortured inside of John McCain.
- Week 9: FIELD TRIP! Snowmobiling with my husband Todd!!!! I will show you Russia.
- Week 10: Review. P.S. If u see Levi he's not allowed in the classroom.
Grading will be on a curve that kind of looks like the letter G. G is for guns. If u try to take mine I will flunk u!!!!!!
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