Let's Rank Wrestlers, September 2011

Because nobody cared about my August version, here's the September edition.

Five Guys Who Make Me Look Up From My Laptop
 5. AJ Lee
Ok, so she's not a guy.  She's also not your typical boring, siliconed up Diva.  This girl can go.  She's quick, her moves are crisp, and she sells better than any other woman on the roster.  More AJ on my TV, please.

4. Ricardo Rodriguez
You are damn right I enjoy the work of Alberto Del Rio's personal ring announcer more than I enjoy the work of ADR himself.  Ricardo is a creepy looking fuck who's probably the long lost cousin of Gomez Adams.  And he's got a better dropkick than most of the full time wrestlers and every Diva not named AJ.

3.The Formerly Dashing Cody Rhodes
Brilliant as always.  His matches with Randy Orton feel like a tryout for a bigger stage. Orton busted him open big time during their match on Smackdown - I haven't seen anybody bleed like that since the last time I watched a Ric Flair match.

2. Zack Ryder
The Long Island Iced Z is probably the feel-good story of the year.  Relegated to jobber duty on Superstars, Ryder built his own following with his highly successful (and very funny) Z: True Long Island Story series on YouTube.  Random "We want Ryder!" chants have been springing up during boring matches for months, and his victory over US Champion Dolph Ziggler implies that he might be in line for a push.  Woo, woo, woo, you know it!

1. Mark Henry
The big man did it - he beat Randy Orton to win the first World Championship of his 15 year career.  More importantly, he did relatively cleanly.  No shenanigans.  No run-ins.  No unconscious referees.  This is typically the time of year WWE tries out new champions.  Hopefully they'll give Henry a little run and then have Sheamus finally beat him.

Five Guys That Make Me Bury My Face in the Interwebs
5. Sin Cara
4. Sin Cara
Evil impostor story lines never work.  Especially when the hero doesn't speak English.

3. Kelly Kelly
I'll watch her entrance.  I won't watch her matches.  The women's division is one place TNA has a definite advantage.  I miss you, Velvet Sky.

2. Triple H
Nobody fires the Miz and avoids my wrath.  John Laurenaitis obviously summoned Kevin Nash into the ring via text message, and yet Hunter doesn't confront him?  At all?  C'mon, WWE, you can do better than that.  At least do me a solid and reform the nWo with the Miz at its head.

1. Jack Swagger
He can't talk and he's missing something in the ring.  He hasn't hit that running Vaderbomb in six years.  Get him away from my boy Dolph.

Quote of the Month
Sheamus, the WWE's first ever Irish-born World Champion, after tasting the potato with which Christian tried to bribe him: "This isn't from Ireland!  This is from Idaho!"  Later in the show he got his revenge by tossing Christian to Mark Henry for a World's Strongest Slam.  Do not fuck with an Irishman's potatoes.