Tweet This

Lately it seems like we can't go fifteen minutes without some athlete/celebrity/hasbeen/neverwas logging into Twitter and pissing everybody off in 140 characters or less.  Fifteen minutes later a bunch of talking heads go off and demand an apology.  An hour after the original post we get a half-assed apology.  I feel like I could set my watch by this shit.

The prevailing "wisdom" is that these people need to think more before they put their thoughts out in the public eye.  How dare they give an opinion that hasn't been emasculated by a Public Relations Department so that it says absolutely nothing!  They should be ashamed!  Think of the children!  And the old people who don't fucking get it!

You know who's really in the wrong here?  Not the Tweeters.  The assholes who manage to take 83 characters, five or six misspellings, and two hash tags and turn it into Hiroshima.  I am so sick and tired of their shit and I demand an apology.

Let's look at a recent case, a tweet from Chad Ochocinco in regard to how impressed he was with the Patriots' offense.  And I quote:

"Just waking up after a late arrival,I've never seen a machine operate like that n person,to see video game numbers put up n person was WOW"

To which all-time great Patriots linebacker Tedy Bruschi opined:

"Drop the awe factor, OK, Ocho, Chad,  drop the awe factor. You're not a fan, all right? You're not someone who's on another team or watching TV. You're not an analyst. You're a part of it. They want you to be a part of it. So get with the program because obviously you're not getting it and you're tweeting because you're saying, 'It's amazing to see'? It's amazing to see because you don't understand it! You still don't understand it and it's amazing to you because you can't get it."

Tedy, I love you.  You are pretty much my most favoritest Patriot ever.  I would take a bullet for you.  But you need to shut the fuck up.  Ocho didn't say anything negative.  He didn't say anything stupid.  He didn't lie.  He didn't brag.  You would be completely in the right had you criticized his punctuation, but you completely missed that part.  All Ocho did was heap praise on his teammates.  That's it.  Get over it.

And then we have the case of Arian Foster, who whipped up a shitstorm of epic proportions by tweeting the MRI of his injured hamstring.  How could he do such a thing?  Wasn't he thinking?  OH GOD THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!  That's almost as bad as tweeting a picture of genitalia!

Someday we'll all be able to look at things objectively and stop making mountains out of mole hills. Ok, probably not.  I was trying to give this a happy ending.  But let's be honest: this bullshit generates advertising dollars for gossip sites and 24/7 news agencies looking to make a quick buck, so it isn't going away anytime soon.  That off-the-grid cabin in the woods is looking better and better every day.