How life can learn from video games

They say that in life, it's the little things that count. Here are a few little things from video games that would make real life that much cooler.

• Treasure chests. How righteous would it be if you were walking down the street, minding your own business, and all of a sudden you see a treasure chest hiding under a fire escape? Open it up and you're a few bucks richer just because you happened to get to the treasure chest first.
• Exploding barrels. Is some ignorant frat boy macking on yo baby's mama? Shove his ass into an exploding barrel!
• Fatalities. The first fight on the new season of Flavor of Love would've been so much better if the fat girl had torn the skinny girl's spine out and used it to decapitate her. Then the announcer would've said "You win," the word "Fatality" would appear on the screen written in blood, and some funny looking dude would've popped up in the corner and yelled "Toasty!" Then the drunk girl of that name would've stumbled in and threw up all over the fat bitch. Now that's good TV!
• Being able to steal shit without repercussions. Just wander into someone's house (nobody's door would ever be locked, and if it was, just look for the treasure chest with the key in it) and steal all their stuff while they're staring right at you. And they don't give a flying fuck.
• Pause. Oh shit, did Kelly Clarkson just get drenched at the VMA's again? Hit pause and enjoy the moment for as long as you want.
• Turtles that don't squish when you jump on them. For those of us who love stomping on turtles, but hate scraping the mess off your shoes. On second thought, cross that one out. PETA doesn't need something else to bitch about.
• Drinking potions from strangers that give you full health. In video games, no matter how sketchy that guy standing at the bus stop looks, if he gives you something, it's something that's going to help you out in some way. In real life, if you drink the funny colored liquid you got from the shady guy on the corner, chances are real good that you'll wake up in the gutter the next morning with a burning sensation between your legs and a sneaky suspicion that something bad may have happened to you.