"No Child Left Behind" my ass

Despite President Monkey Face's best efforts, our children are being left behind...when it comes to being able to order at fast food restaraunts.

This weekend I had the pleasure of dining in both Burger King and Quizno's. I was privy to ordering disasters at both fine establishments. The idiots in the line in front of me and the people working behind the register just could not understand each other.

Now, I'm sure all you Republicans and Southerners out there are thinking "That's probably because there was an immigrant behind the counter." This is true - in both Quizno's and the BK Lounge, it was quite obvious that english was not the first language of any of the employees.

But here's the thing - the mix ups, the confusion, and the delays were not their fault. And I'm willing to bet that 95% of all fast food ordering catastrophes are the fault of the customer.

See, when the idiots in front of you walk up to the counter and say "Yo, I'll have one of those with the bacon and the cheese," and there happen to be multiple artery cloggers on the menu that involve those two ingredients, something annoying is bound to occur. However, when I stepped up to the plate and asked for a number 9 with a diet coke, or an italian sandwich with everything on white bread, there were no problems. The people behind the counter understood, which is all that matters, regardless of how much of the language they speak.

"But if the people behind the register aren't sure what I want, they should ask me to clarify," is what you'd be asking me if you were Rush Limbaugh. To which I would reply, "They do, and they did, and the customers couldn't and generally can't." "I want one of those" is not a helpful answer. And after a few answers like that, the employees realize you're a dumbass and decide they don't want to deal with you anymore...so they ring up the first cheesy bacony delight they can think of and hope you'll go away...just like any red-blooded American employee would do at his or her job.

So next time you start thinking about the things you'd like to say or do to the slow, confused cashier if only you had a little bit more nerve and a rucksack full of squirrels, stop and think about the situation. Chances are the problem is with the asshole on your side of the counter...and if you're eating in one of these joints, there will definitely be a problem with the asshole on this side of the counter later on, if you know what I mean.