Is it really a bomb scare if no one's particularly afraid?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/31/boston.bombscare/index.html

Kick me in the face and make it go away.

Let me preface by saying that we are in a pretty sad state when we automatically assume something is a bomb just because we don't know what it is, and that the real terrorists achieve a measure of victory every time we react this way.

I can just imagine the thought process of whatever official got to one of these babies first: "It's not pizza...not a donkey...not a house...not a car...not a cow...not the Internet...too small to be Sally Struthers...not a bird...not a plane...doesn't smell like beer...ergo, therefore, it is indubitably a bomb! Egad!"

If I've learned anything from Josh Moody it's that no self-respecting bomber would be dumb enough to leave his explosives sitting obviously in the middle of very public places covered with BLINKING FUCKING LIGHTS. We are not in a Bruce Willis movie here, people.

Especially since life most often imitates a Bruce Campbell movie, but I digress.

And if these guys receive jail time for their little stunt, something is seriously wrong. I think they should be fined for being a public nuisance and either their advertising agency or Fox should have to foot the Bomb Squad bill, but sending a couple of guys to prison for a bunch of little boxes that COULD have had explosives in them is ludicrous and sets a dangerous precedent.

These events also provide several great examples of why I'd like to dropkick most public officials and journalists. From the above article:

"Authorities believe Berdovsky was "in the employ of other individuals" as part of the marketing campaign, Coakley said. "How exactly this was executed, we are still investigating.""

Gee, I may not have a Ph. D. in criminology...but I'd say chances are pretty good they made a list of places with a lot of foot traffic and just kind of put them there.

"Wednesday evening, Cartoon Network was running a statement during commercial breaks, expressing deep regret for "the hardships experienced as a result of this incident.""

I expect a personal apology from Cartoon Network because news concerning this shit won't get off my TV or Internet.

""It had a very sinister appearance," Coakley told reporters. "It had a battery behind it, and wires.""

Alone, batteries and wires are completely harmless. But put them together...and anything with both a battery and wires is obviously out to eat your children.

"Menino told reporters he received a call from a Turner spokesperson about 9 p.m. but had not yet returned it. "I think the city deserves a call, not from a press person, but from somebody in the corporate structure of Turner," he said."

What Mumbles actually said was something more along the lines of "Aboaboboeaoblesoeb. Abhodibkesokes!"

"Some of the devices were placed on private property, she said, which "raises a lot of questions about, at the very least, the responsibility of anybody who would do this.""

She's basically saying that all vandals are irredeemable sinners who should be burned at the stake.

"Boston Police Commissioner Edward Davis called it "unconscionable" that the marketing campaign was executed in a post 9/11 era. "It's a foolish prank on the part of Turner Broadcasting," he said. "In the environment nowadays ..."

I'm sorry, but aren't we supposedly more prepared now than we were six years ago? Doesn't that mean a real disaster would cause less damage now than it would have during that time?

I'm done. No energy for a conclusion.