Undie Bomber

I know the topic's a bit passe (stupid Blogger won't let me put an accent over the e), but few things gave me more joy during the holiday season than this idiot. Like any sane person, I burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter when I first heard the news. I laughed even harder at the ensuing brouhaha about security and it all being Obama's fault and such. I mean, really, people: Al Qaeda's master plan was to stick a bunch of firecrackers in some moron's underwear and try to blow up a plane heading for Detroit. Really? You're concerned by this? This is "the greatest threat currently facing our nation?"

I've always been of the opinion that the best way to eliminate unwanted behavior is to ridicule it. After all, it was ridicule that ended my love of jean shorts and will hopefully some day curtail my my music-fueled transformation into a black clad emo girl with two tramp stamps and a pierced left butt cheek. I firmly believe that if Obama sent Bin Laden a letter telling him how much of a dumb ass he is every time Al Qaeda pulls one of these ridiculous stunts he'd shave, take a shower, put on some respectable looking clothes, and get a real job, potentially replacing the dearly departed Billy Mayes as the king of infomercials.

But instead, everybody's in a giant tizzy about this reject and his tighty whities. Earth to America: this is essentially the plot to a terrible SyFy channel movie called "Fruit-of-the-Booms: Terror in the Skies" featuring Lou Diamond Phillips, but with worse special effects. It wouldn't fluster LDP. It shouldn't fluster you.

So now we get to have a "national conversation" about how to improve airline security in response to this new threat. Seems to me the existing "If you see a Middle Eastern looking dude holding a match and laughing maniacally, punch him in the face" rule worked pretty well. Which leads me to an extremely important question that no one in what passes for the media elite bothered to ask: why did this genius try to light his thong-th-thong-thong-bomb in the cabin instead of in the privacy of the bathroom? Idiot.

But if the powers that be insist on taking this crap seriously, there's only one real option: EVERYBODY FLIES NAKED. Do not allow any clothing within a one mile radius of any airport. This will stop known threats like shoe bombs and C4-strings as well as theoretical threats like manssiere machine guns, adult diaper land mines, and laser-equipped chastity belts. It's the only way we can be truly safe when we fly, although I suspect it will lead to a greatly increased use of barf bags.

Time for football. Saints-Cardinals looks like it should be a great game, but it's been made even better by a reported wager between Kurt Warner and Reggie Bush. If the Cardinals win, Tony Siragusa eats Kim Kardashian; if the Saints win, the Goose eats Mrs. Warner and whatever crazy hairdo she's sporting this year. Family fun for all.