1. Minnesota Twins
Somebody's got to get destroyed by the Yankees in the first round, and Minnesota's just the team to do it! Although their new outdoor stadium would be absolute death to dome or warm weather teams come playoff time, they won't finish well enough to win home field.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Janice Dickinson. Frigid bitch.
Somebody's got to get destroyed by the Yankees in the first round, and Minnesota's just the team to do it! Although their new outdoor stadium would be absolute death to dome or warm weather teams come playoff time, they won't finish well enough to win home field.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Janice Dickinson. Frigid bitch.
2. Detroit Tigers
Their pitching staff is young and moderately interesting, and their almost-above-average lineup is just elderly and arthritic enough to fall apart down the stretch. Manager Jim Leyland will single-handedly rescue the tobacco industry by smoking an entire pack every inning.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Paula Abdul. Makes a lot of noise, but old enough that nobody really cares.
3. Chicago White Sox
At least they've got Ozzie.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Fergie. Flat out busted, but not bad if you were to put a paper bag over their head and staple it shut.
4. Cleveland Indians
In three years they've gone from a JD Drew fluke home run away from the World Series to also ran that's lucky they've got the Royals in the division. They've traded away their big names, and not one of their Next Big Things has panned out yet. They canned manager Eric Wedge, but how does GM Mark Shapiro still have a job?
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Brigitte Nielsen. Went from Sly Stallone and "Red Sonja" to Flava Flav to that French dude. What the hell happened?
5. Kansas City Royals
Ladies and gentlemen, the place where replacement level players go to die. Like an elephant graveyard. Or watching lemmings fall off a cliff. Rick Ankiel followed Jason Kendall followed Juan Cruz followed Rowdy Kyle Farsnworth followed Jose Guillen right over those pretty waterfalls in the outfield. Note that the Red Sox have not won a World Series since they hired former Royals GM Allard Baird, who lay the foundation for this vortex of suck, as a consultant.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Tara Reid. Just a complete trainwreck.
2 comments:
Why the hell did Minn build an outdoor stadium? Not even a retractable roof. Now they're saying Mauer is a done deal for 10 years.
It boggles the mind. Imagine if they ever make the World Series....
I like Mauer, though I'm not sure if last year's power numbers will hold up. I think a lot will depend on how that new park plays.
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