2011 MLB Preview - National League Central

Even though I am wallowing in the misery of Bald Eagle Flu (a rare strain of Orthomyxoviridae that only infects the top ten percent of the most rugged, rough-and-tumble Americans--think me, Teddy Roosevelt, and "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan), you're still going to get that NL Central preview you've been aching for since reading yesterday's write up of the East. Few things possess the awesome recuperative powers of the adoration of one's loyal blogonauts.

1. Milwaukee Brewers

It's the surprisingly vegetarian Prince Fielder's walk year and the Brewers know the only chance in hell they have of resigning him is building one hell of a team that wins the World Series. And if Prince leaves, 2011 may end up being the last year the Brew Crew even sniff the post season for a decade or two. Going all in is the only play here. Adding ace Zach Greinke and solid starter Shawn Marcum is a great step in that direction. Expect the farm system to be emptied for another pitcher midseason when the Brewers start to smell the division title.

Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Scarlet Johansson. Oh baby.

2. Cincinnati Reds

I picked them to be much improved last year, and they were. I just don't think they can hang with Milwaukee in 2011.

Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Natalie Portman. Pretty damn hot, but no ScarJo.

3. St. Louis Cardinals

Pujols, Carpenter, Wainwright, that dude that hates LaRussa, and a bunch of scrubs. The Lou had a great run as yearly contenders, but they're on the way down.

Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Amanda Bynes. I wouldn't throw her out, but...meh.

4. Chicago Cubs

I like the trade for Matt Garza. I like that they let Derek Lee's corpse float out to sea and wash up in Baltimore. I like that they resisted the urge to slap a big expensive free agent band aid on a team badly in need of major surgery. I like that they've got the Bucs and Stros to kick around so they won't look as bad as they actually are.

Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Sandra Bullock. Lying low for now after a rough year, but there's always a comeback in the works.

5. Pittsburgh Pirates

Bleh.

Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Mary Kate Olsen.

6. Houston Astros

Pfffffffft.

Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Ashley Olsen.