The D-Line is a death trap

That's right, you read it first right here at I Stole Your Lunch. Scott Colby has once again scooped all those "real" journalists, including Susan Warnick, Geraldo, that douche bag on Crossfire who always wears the stupid bowties, and even Amalia Badadadadadadada. The D-Line is inherently NOT safe. Responsible parents should not allow their children to ride this train of doom.

The trains on the D-Line have not been reinforced against the unstoppable force of nature, the buffalo woman.

Scott Colby experienced this phenomenon first hand today. A pair of buffalo women, whose incredible girth marked them as high ranking individuals within their species' cast system, sat down in the seats in front of Scott Colby. Those particular seats did not particularly enjoy their predicament, and with every successive station, their groans of protest became louder and more desperate, and they began to fail against the huge amount of mass they were attempting to support. By the time the buffalo women departed, the backs of their seats were almost in Scott Colby's lap. He did not approve.

This problem is a huge oversight on the part of the MBTA. The D-Line is considered by many experts to be the line that most resembles a twinkie. Many buffalo women have been seen boarding the train, only to look around angrily and moan "But where's the cream filling?" It is speculated that the green trains are mistaken for special edition St. Patrick's Day twinkies, the sweetest Twinkies on the planet. Combine that with the fact that the D-Line passes directly beneath the twisted bowels of the buffalo women's favorite mating ground, the Foggy Goggle, and you've got one heck of a recipe for disaster.

People in California know that an earthquake is inevitably going to hit, so their houses are reinforced accordingly. The denizens of the midwest build storm shelters in which they can hide from rampaging tornadoes. The MBTA knows the buffalo women are going to make the D-Line part of their daily migration, and yet they do nothing to protect the other passengers. This is ridiculous. Chuck Norris would not allow this shit to happen.

After faithfully listening to Scott Colby's heartfelt rant about this topic, Kelly Clarkson announced that she will be performing three shows at Ai Tains to promote awareness of the tragedy waiting to befall us. She's so wonderful...*sigh*...

Scott Colby told you these daily updates were going to suck, and it appears he was right.