Gold digging is in the air

Everybody knows Kelly Clarkson is destined to one day be Scott Colby's betrothed. Here are the top 10 reasons why.

10. She likes a guy who knows how to solder who also knows how to spell solder, a rare find indeed.
9. She understands and recognizes that Hulkamania will never die.
8. I Stole Your Lunch says so, and I Stole Your Lunch Never lies.
7. She can leap a buffalo chick in a single bound.
6. She is really a secret government agent using Scott Colby to get closer to his friend, wanted criminal Mr. Petersen, aka Josh Moody.
5. Since you've been gone, she can breathe for the first time.
4. She is attracted to employees of non-profit institutions.
3. Making this crap up is tough. Maybe it should've only been the top seven reasons.
2. Jennifer Garner married that doofus Ben Affleck and is having his child and even though Scott Colby is 97.62% sure he can convince her to divorce Ben Affleck and marry him instead, that would make him at least partially responsible for raising the spawn of Ben Affleck, a horrible role Scott Colby would not wish on anyone, not even the proprietor of the Foggy Goggle.
1. Those moon men she won the other night will look damn good in the captain's cabin of the yacht Scott Colby is going to buy with her money.

That being said, Scott Colby demands that Kelly Clarkson immediately returns to brunette status, lest he be forced to ditch her and have Gwen Stefani pay for his lavish lifestyle instead. That shit would just be bananas.