Digital Cable is Killing Television

Constant time spent loading a new level or area is a perpetual complaint of those losers who have nothing better to do than play video games. So why is it acceptable for cable television?

Why can't Scott Colby instantly change the channel from the Natasha Bedingfield video on VH1 to the episode of American Idol on Fox instantaneously, rather than have to risk Kelly Clarkson walking into the room asking why he changed the channel because she noticed the loading time? She has been suspicious enough as it is lately.

And loading time is generally something that has gone away with progressive generations of technology, not gotten worse. Computers don't take nearly as long to boot or start programs as they used to, despite a huge increase in complexity. Viewers weren't treated to a black screen back in the 50's. Television is going backwards.

"But Scott Colby," you say, "this is a damn stupid thing to write about, especially in a blog that has won as many awards as yours. It's a second and a half, two at the most! Why are you wasting my time with this drivel?" You obviously haven't thought this through. Scott Colby has, though, which is why he is an internet celebrity and you are just a peon in dire need of a John Basedow video or two.

Ever try to flip through all 130 of your digital cable channels? Scott Colby has. Channel surfing, which used to be a wonderful experience, has become extraordinarily annoying due to load times. The point of channel surfing is to traverse channels as quickly as possible until you find something semi-interesting. Most people outside of Alabama would never, ever intentionally put on the History channel to watch a documentary about the rifle; a channel surfer, however would land on that program because he would catch a glimpse of the washed-up-but-still-a-hot-chick host displaying the effects of various rifles on various types of melons while wearing hot pants, and he would be mildly entertained for at least three minutes before moving on. But with the advent of loading times in digital cable, more and more channel surfers are skipping more and more channels that they do not expect to broadcast anything worthwhile. These people miss out on moments like watching Donna D'Errico blow the hell out of a casaba with a .12 gauge, and those are moments that they'll never get back. Loading times are causing people to miss out on the true joys of television, the little moments, and that is a damn shame.