Oh, the things I would do if I weren't a lazy shit

• Update this stupid blog more. No, screw that. I would transform I Stole Your Lunch from a humble purveyor of stupid prose into the nation's top multimedia extravaganza, complete with pictures for the illiterate and phishing scams for those people who should have their blue e taken away from them, thus allowing me to completely pwn respected news outlets like CNN, MSNBC, and Inside Edition.
• Learn to play "Iron Man" on the oboe in B flat.
• Develop a suitably powerful and obnoxious alternative to the bulleted list.
• Come up with a better excuse to tell Kelly Clarkson than "I was washing my hair" when she inquires where I was during the four hours I spent romancing Natasha Bedingfield Friday night. No dancing stereos were harmed during the writing of this entry, although I was extremely tempted to kick a few when she wasn't looking.
• Purchase a large amount of cottage cheese and use it to construct a shrine to the Best Toaster Ever in the back seat of Raul's automobile.
• Find something more constructive to do, like roll your mom up in the shower curtain.