Sunday Night Bulleted List

• Am I the only person being driven completely crazy by the new NFL rules against celebrations? In the first four minutes of the Bears-Giants game such a bullshit call made me want to put my head through the coffee table. After Brandon Jacobs scored for the Giants, he shoved the ball up his jersey and rubbed it lovingly as if was his unborn child...and the ref threw the flag. Let me get this straight: he wasn't taunting the other team, attempting to piss off the fans, or delaying the game...he was promoting good parenting. And yet he was flagged? What the hell is this crap? It's a fucking touchdown, the rarest of all the main scoring plays in sports (I'm not counting soccer, cuz that shit's boring like golf). When you score a touchdown, you should be encouraged to celebrate as long as it doesn't involve any of those three factors I mentioned above. If you're a big fat defensive lineman who picked up a fumble and rumbled 50 yards for the score, you should be given a few seconds to shake what yo mama gave you. If you're a creative wide receiver, you should be allowed to Riverdance or call your agent or boogie with a few cheerleaders. These guys are athletes, but they're also entertainers. Let them have their fun. And there should be awards at the end of the season for the best celebration.
• So the Red Sox are rumored to the leading bidder for that Japanese pitcher. They're going to pay his team somewhere around $45 million just for the rights to talk to this guy, then they're probably going to pay him somewhere around $14 million a year for the next four or five years. What makes him so special? He throws a Gyroball, which moves through the strike zone like an Italian sandwich (hahahahahahahahahaha). Seriously, though, I've got $50 that says he's the next Hideki Irabu. Let the Yankees have him, so A-Rod and Carl Pavano can have another loser to hang out with.
  
• Is it just me, or does it seem like John Madden has gained about 35 IQ points since last season? He finally sounds more intelligent than my coffee pot, although the Best Toaster Ever still has him beat. He has yet to completely ruin a game for me this season, a feat he used to accomplish almost every other week. I've almost enjoyed his commentary the last few weeks, though I still think they should add Jerry "The King" Lawler to the booth team so someone's there to make lewd comments about the cheerleaders.
  
• My roommate just told me he had a dream about Flava Flav. And I quote: "I was following him somewhere, and we were just The Shit." Needless to say, I'm extremely jealous. Also, I hereby move that "The Shit" is a proper noun and should henceforth be capitalized.
  
• Am I the only one who finds it very amusing that a bunch of dorks are lining up outside electronics stores so they can pay $250 to play with their Wii?
• I'm also extremely confused as to why anyone is bothering with the PlayStation 3 right now. If someone like me can't name a single game that's being released at launch, something's wrong.
• When you're slightly drunk, no television show is as amusing as the Munsters.