2011 MLB Preview - The American League West

The West is fun. I can't really explain why. It's less of an educated opinion and more of an intense personal feeling, kind of like gas.

1. Texas Rangers
I called this one last year, though I underestimated just far they could go. The rotation's still a place for possible concern, but the lineup and bullpen are hearty enough to carry the team to the inevitable deadline deal for a true ace. With Adrian Beltre playing third base, they'd better make sure they're carrying a few spare quality outfielders.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Keira Knightley. Not getting derailed anytime soon.

2. Oakland Athletics
If you haven't heard, few things get me more hot and bothered than studly young rotations under team control for several years on the cheap. The problem with this team is its painful lack of a middle-of-the-order bopper. If you're hitting Hideki Matsui cleanup in 2011, you've got issues. Luckily they've got Chris Carter pounding on their first base door, and Josh Willingham has always been useful the few times he's managed to stay healthy for more than a week.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Lady GaGa. I know I should look away. I know that despite her talent, a lot of her mystique comes solely from her reputation. BUT I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF LOOK AWAY AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT.

3. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim or Maybe Sacremento or Fuck It Just California Again
The undisputed losers of this year's Hot Stove season, the Angels did absolutely nothing to improve themselves. Vernon Wells is an upgrade on the field but a ridiculous downgrade on the payroll; only A-Rod will make more money this year. Third base is still the biggest vortex of suck since Ninja Cheerleaders. Although I love me some Angel small ball, I see a step back and probably a new GM next year.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Britney Spears. The fixes are obvious, but they're ignored anyway.

4. Seattle Mariners
What a damn mess. If not for King Felix they'd be lucky to win 50 games. Last year's manager, Don Wakamatsu, got canned; their GM, Jack ZSomethingorother, somehow did not. Huh? It's the (supposedly brilliant until last year) manager's fault that Chone Figgins is no good?
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Lindsay Lohan. If it looks like a trainwreck, walks like a trainwreck, talks like a trainwreck, and never, ever learns, it's definitely a trainwreck.