Super Bowl XLV

(That's 45.)

This weekend's tussle should be a great one. Green Bay and Pittsburgh are two very interesting, very likable teams that had to work damn hard to get where they are. At the very least they aren't the Bears or the Jets.

In case you've been living under a rock for the last six months, here are the things you need to know about SuperBowl XLV:

• The dude with the Diana Ross hair is Troy Polamalu. Joe Buck will be so far up his ass that you'll be able to see him peering out through Troy's teeth. Don't let the intolerable Buck sour your opinion of one of the game's best safeties; Buck just hibernates up there between now and the start of baseball season. Like John Madden used to do with Brett Favre. Hopefully Troy won't turn into a giant asshole once his patron announcer retires.
  
• Charles Woodson is actually the best player on the field. He's a shutdown corner that can blitz and stop the run, and he doesn't gamble nearly as much as Polamalu. He'll make at least one crazy play that'll make Al Davis roll over in that coffin he sleeps in.
• The dude with the Ke$ha hair that's probably going to kill Steelers' quarterback Ben Rothlisberger is Clay Matthews. He's awesome even though he brushes his teeth with Belvedere rather than Jack.
• Speaking of Big Ben, he's taken one hell of a beating this year. Seems like the refs will throw a flag for something as innocuous as a wet willy on any other quarterback, but Rothlisberger gets his nose adjusted and the refs just shrug. Remember how he was originally suspended for six games for conduct unbecoming of an NFL quarterback, and then Commissioner Goodell reduced it to four games? It wasn't for good behavior; it was with the stipulation that defenders would be allowed to beat him into a bloody pulp without penalty. Commish was stepping up for the ladies. The way the Pack blitzes, Ben might lose an arm this weekend.
  
• That woman tramping around the halftime stage in half of an outfit is the Chicago White Sox of the music industry, Fergie. She likes to spell. If she doesn't bust out "London Bridges" I'm going to be very disappointed. It might ruin my whole weekend.
• Packers' nose tackle BJ Raji will be the best dancer on the field Sunday. That includes all four members of the Black Eyed Peas.
  

My Expert Pick: Steelers 30, Green Bay 27. I actually think the Pack is a more complete team, but whereas I don't trust Coach McCarthy to be able to call a timeout properly (seriously, these coaches need to practice up with some Madden), I don't trust them to be able to mount the kind of game winning drive Rothlisberger's going to put together with one leg, half a nose, and Clay Matthews' shoulder pads hanging out of his ass. Looks like one of the most exciting Superbowls ever.