Finally we've reached my favoritest division in all the land. Each of these five clubs is fascinating for its own particular reason, unlike the AL Central or the cast of Jersey Shore. Any thought of the NL West, no matter how inconsequential, typically requires a change of pants.
1. Colorado Rockies
These guys are like the anti-Mets: they continually refresh their roster with quality home-grown talent, and they always find a way to make one hell of a charge the last few months.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Scarlett Johanson. God damn.
2. Los Angeles Dodgers (Wildcard)
A questionable rotation and a shaky infield keep them from taking the top spot, but they may have the best pen in the majors. Too bad Mrs. McCourt is going to get half of it.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Rhianna. Always solid, though the hair's kind of funny at times. Matt Kemp could be the Jeter of the West.
3. San Fransisco Giants
Aubrey Huff + Mark DeRosa does not a threatening lineup make.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Megan Fox. Everybody's favorite, but completely lacking substance and stuck married to that funny looking dude from 90210.
4. Arizona Diamondbacks
They won't be as far out of the race as this fourth place finish might suggest. Haren, Webb, and Jackson are arguably the top 1-2-3 in the Senior Circuit, but their homegrown lineup strikes out more than I used to in the Foggy Goggle.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Jessica Alba. Great in theory, but they'll never be able to carry a feature on their own.
5. San Diego Padres
Their owner's 2008 divorce left this team ravaged. This is what the Dodgers could look like in a few years if they aren't careful.
Hollywood Starlet Equivalent: Whitney Houston. Stay away from the crack, Rhianna, or this could be you. At least she's already escaped the vile clutches of a man named Brown.
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