Because Everybody Else is Parodying It...

Guy that looks like he may have lost his stapler: Hello! I'm a PC!

Guy that might be a hippie, or at least an emo kid: And I'm a Mac...hey, PC, what's that sticking out the back of your pants?

PC: Ah! That, my friend, is a ten foot pole!

Mac: A ten foot pole? What's that good for?

PC: Nothing, really. It's just kind of what happens to anyone who disregards a different opinion simply because they're afraid to leave the status quo.

Mac: Sounds uncomfortable.

PC: I consider it a badge of honor. After all, look at all the people who have them! Politicians, TV executives, the RIAA...

Mac: Yeah, I get it. Hey! I can help people make movies! It's so easy!

PC: Wait...why would you want to do something like that?

Mac: So people can put it online and share it with their friends. It's cool!

PC: But...isn't the Internet full of enough useless crap that's swallowing all the worthwhile content? Kind of like how MySpace is drawing people away from the earth shattering goodness of I Stole Your Lunch?

Mac: Are you saying you don't want to see the choppy, unfocused video of my grandmother trying to teach her goldfish to speak French? Oh, that Nana! She's so senile! And I made the soundtrack myself in Garage Band...

PC: No, I really don't want to...say...what's that coming out of the back of your pants?

Mac: Errrm...that's also a ten foot pole...people don't usually notice it because my marketing department spends a lot of money to hide it behind a shield of shiny white plastic.

PC: Ah ha! Hypocrite! But wait...something's different. What...how come your pole doesn't smell like mine?

Mac: My shit doesn't stink.

PC: I guess not. But...I can play games, and you can't!

Mac: Yes I can. I have an XBox and a PS2. And unlike you, I only have to update my gaming hardware every five or six years. When's that new video card that you need for the next Warcraft patch come out again?

PC: Um...tomorrow. And then the one I need for the next Splinter Cell comes out next month...

A midget with one leg, a ponytail, way too much facial hair and a stained t-shirt that says "Compile this, mofo!" enters the scene.

Midget: Nanoo-nanoo, I'm Linux!

Mac: What the fuck do you want?

The initial midget is followed by a swarm of similarly dressed midgets that clog the stage.

Midget in a swanky crimson hat: I'm Linux too!

Blue Midget: Me too!

Midget with a stack of dubious looking legal claims: And me!

Midget that looks like the Travelocity spokesdoll: Same here!

Midget with Indiana Jones's hat: Werd!

Mac: You're all Linux?

All midgets: That's right! All the cool kids say we're better than you, so we're here to kick your asses!

PC: ...but if you're better than me, why are you always trying to be me so you can play games?

Mac: And I was built off Unix, which you guys just kind of copied.

Fedora Linux: But...we're great for servers and web hosting!

PC: But when you break, who am I supposed to call?

Redhat Linux: Um...that smelly guy who lives down the hall that's always listening to trance music...?

Mac: If I break, you can go to the genius bar!

PC: Well if I break, chances are pretty good one of your children can fix me. And if you have to get me apart, you don't have to completely break me.

Mac: But...I've got style!

Linux using Gnome desktop: Well, some of us are free.

PC: Free? Free as in OJ Simpson? Free as in Whitey Bulger?

Mac: Free as in "No one will pay for me, so I might as well just give myself away?"

IBM Linux: We will destroy you with VI!

SCO Linux: No, we'll destroy you with EMACS!

PC and Mac: Hahahahahahahhahahahahahaha! Yeah, right! Maybe you guys should come to a consensus first.

Midgets leave begin to argue amongst themselves and leave.

PC: Phew, I'm glad that's over.

Mac: Yeah, that Linus guy was a real whore. If his progeny ever got their act together, we'd be in deep shit.

PC: Probably. Hey, you can't play games!

Mac: Well, you get a lot of viruses!

PC: I work better with business applications that were coded by hacks that like to take shortcuts!

Mac: You're always trying to copy me!

PC: Right click, bitch!

Mac: I can make PDF's without Acrobat!