When I first heard that Moody's S&P had downgraded US debt from a AAA to a AA+, I couldn't help wondering what the fuck took so long. Is there a semi-literate, semi-informed adult on the planet that thinks we'll ever actually pay off what we owe? Put your hand down, you're making my readership look dumber than it actually is.
Then it dawned on me that this was the same ratings agency that put high grades on the ridiculous mortgage-backed securities that tanked our economy a few years ago. That was basically the economic equivalent of pulling into port with a Faneuil Hall tugboat just because you liked her eyeliner. It's no wonder it took them so long to realize what's been clear to the rest of us for the last few years.
If they can't agree on which taxes to raise and which programs to cut (that's right, children, you have to do both, not just one or the other), then I demand they find some new ways to generate revenue. Here are a few suggestions:
- Implement a "I banged an intern/page/campaign staffer" jar. Like a swear jar but better and more likely to make a lot of money given the tendencies of those involved. Twenty five cents per banging.
- Have a monthly bake sale.
- Start a Kickstarter project promising to change the pronunciation of John Boehner's name to more accurately reflect the way everyone reads it. There is no way in hell that's not boner.
- Finally release that "Lovely Ladies of the Senate" calendar we red-blooded American males have been pining for since puberty. OH MAN, PANTSUITS! GIVE ME THOSE PANTSUITS!
- Give Scott Brown all the Social Security money and send him to play poker with A-Rod.
Or maybe they should just declare bankruptcy. It worked for Trump. Twice.
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