Can we start with how completely frickin' disgusting Eric and Sookie are? They're so disgusting I wish she was back with Vampire Bill. Seriously. Can we just hurry up to the inevitable part when Eric gets his memory back but pretends he still doesn't have it so he can keep banging Sook because for some reason she likes him better as a ridiculous manchild? Because that part's going to be brilliant. Remember how awesome he was when he was an evil bastard? Now take that evil bastard and make him try to hide inside of a grown man with the morals and world view of a five-year-old. Skarsgaard's performance is going to be worthy of an EGOT even though there probably won't be any singing.
And then we have Summerslam. First Christian loses his belt to boring ass Randy Orton, then CM Punk beats Cena in a match with an absolutely terrible finish. Every other the-referee-missed-the-foot-on-the-rope-and-counted-three-anyway match in the last five years has been overturned by some sort of authority figure who saw it in the back and came running out to restart the match and save the day. Why didn't that happen with this one? And what is up with this new hit-a-move-get-a-nearfall-lie-around-on-the-ground-for-five-minutes-lather-rinse-repeat crap clogging our Pay-Per-Views nowadays? And then Kevin Nash lays out Punk so Alberto Del Rio can cash in his title shot. Don't get me wrong, it's always good to see Big Sexy, but Del Rio? After the summer Punk has had? I love Del Rio's entrance, what with the personal ring announcer and the smarmy look-at-how-great-I-am mannerisms, but no. Just no. Punk's Jesus faces beat that any day of the week, and he's the only guy other than Cena that gets any sort of reaction from the live crowd. YOU-CAN-TELL-I'M-PISSED-BECAUSE-OF-MY-EGREGIOUS-USE-OF-HYPHENS!
Where's my gold '66 Cadillac Pimp Mobile when I need to take a drive to clear my head? My life is so hard...
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