None of my roommates are moving out but that's ok. We can get bunk beds. I'm sure they make a double-decker attachment for my Bob-O-Pedic. If not I'll sleep on the floor. We can tell each other stories and have pillow fights and make fun of Rex Ryan. Did you know he likes feet? Like, a lot? A lot a lot? Like so much that it's wicked funny and it'll never, ever get old?
I've got an awesome porch. We can go to Target and buy another mini rocking chair so you and I have matching seats.
I know my way around Boston, especially the bars. Give me the name of a bar and I will be able to tell you many things about it, including:
- Relative price range.
- Dress code.
- What's likely on tap.
- Whether you want to eat there.
- What kind of hot mamas be frontin' in the specified establishment.
- Whether it's safe to take a dump.
And I've got XBox! And TiVo! We can watch Monday Night Raw and then play Smackdown vs. Raw and it will be a hoot! I made myself in the game. I spent two days perfecting my entrance and figuring out how to load in a Yellowcard song as my music! We can do that for you, too. And then we can be a tag team and beat the hell out of all the other wrestlers. Except Edge. I don't let Video Game Edge lose since Real Life Edge had to retire.
And we can grill! And go to Diesel! A lot of the people in there will remind you of the Cincinnati Bengals. It'll be great! I'll even change my last name to a number so it's like we're in a club. I'll be Scott Soixante-Neuf. It's classy because it's French! Why am I using so many exclamation points? Oh, right, because I'm excited and this is the best idea ever!
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