The Packy is open on Easter! Hooray!

In hindsight, perhaps that fact should've been obvious. But whereas the infamous Blue Laws were written by a bunch of Pilgrims who didn't understand proper English and Mitt Romney can't find a Pilgrim anywhere to help translate (despite several dozen posts on Craig's list), the liquor laws here in Massachusetts are screwed up worse than people who think reading a blog is a good way to spend an afternoon.

But yes, the Packy is open on Easter, and there are ten good reasons why:

10. A holiday isn't a holiday without a little High Life.
9. In case Brigitte Nielsen corners you and you need something to destroy the horrible, horrible memories.
8. No matter how often Scott Colby asks, the Easter Bunny will not bring Jack Daniel's and overpriced potato chips, though occasionally he can be convinced to drop off a bag of ice.
7. Drinking alone in your house on a family-oriented holiday is less depressing than drinking alone in a bar on a family-oriented holiday.
6. Nothing says Easter like a little flip cup, and the kids are never too young to learn how to own a Beirut table. How come you didn't swat that bounce you little bastard?! No jelly beans for you!
5. To help inspire Easter-related blogs.
4. The Interweb is closed.
3. The world is still waiting for New York to drink herself into a coma.
2. Judas betrayed Jesus to the Romans because Jesus routinely drank all their beer on Easter and back in the day the Packy was closed on Easter. So now the Packy is open, so when Jesus comes back and starts drinking everybody's beer, no one will get mad and sell him out to the the RIAA.
1. Relatives.

Wow, isn't it convenient how awesome things always come in groups of ten?

Scott Colby is Very, Very Sorry

Many of you may be wondering why this Internet bastion of awesomeness has not been updated for a whole month now. The reason is simple: Scott Colby couldn't face you, his audience, after the horrible, horrible mistake he made.

Scott Colby's main man Flava Flav was dead set on picking New York. In an attempt to save Flav from a fate worse than Brigitte, Scott Colby stepped in and convinced him to pick Hoopz.

Oh, how wrong Scott Colby was! That ungrateful harlot was just using Flav to further her career as an actress, and the happy couple separated after a few months of Hoopz neglecting her man. Being on Flavor of Love, after all, is the best thing for any young actress's career - Scott Colby guarantees she'll pop up in a few adult movies somewhere down the road.

Scott Colby apologizes for wrongly raising Hoopz upon a pedestal of sainthood. Can you ever forgive him....?



Ha, like he gives two shits what you think.