Haikus

Ode to Boca Grande

Grilled steak grande
Sour cream and hot sauce extra
Oh baby, oh yeah.


One for J$

You are not cool lest
From Amazon dot com you
Buy prophylactics.

To Sarah Silverman

Woman not ugly
Yet jokes of farts and fluids
I might be in love.

This Bar Sucks

Goggle so Foggy
Sticky floors, slimier girls
Makes me weep at night.

I may have discovered the most annoying thing ever

Whitening strips.

Within a minute of putting these things on, I was drooling like a dog. Or like dumbass who likes buffalo women scoping the bar at the Foggy Goggle (ah, how I missed making dumb jokes about that shithole).

I seriously need a god damn spittoon.

At approximately the ten minute mark, I lost the bottom strip. And I have no idea where the fuck it went. I suspect if I poop tomorrow it will come out shimmering white.

I really can't believe you're supposed to do this twice a day for half an hour each time. It feels like there's a frigging Trojan stuck in my teeth and all I can taste is after shave (now I know how a buffalo chick feels when waking up after a successful night at the Foggy Goggle).

Enough of this, time's up.

The Milestone 100th Update

I've never, ever been interested in graffiti or those jackasses who think it has a "culture," but while walking through Government Center today I noticed a big white van branded "Graffiti Busters," and I thought to myself, "Hot damn, if I had a can of red spray paint in my pocket, I'd totally scribble my initials on the side of that fucker."

That's it. Number 100. I've spent the last month trying to develop a commemorative update detailing the 100 Things that Piss Me Off, and today I finally realized I just need to get past number 100, so I gave up.

That was a stupid run-on sentence.